“Too many women have forgotten that we hold power in our single lives and in our relationships. It’s high time we remembered that.”
These elegant and honest words were said by none other than the fabulous and inspirational Demetria Lucas. Being the the go-to voice for women everywhere, Demetria is the shining light for single females who are waiting for Mr. Right. Not only does she give real life dating advice and experiences but encourages women to not play victim in the game of love. She pushes the fact that you can live a full and flavorful life with or without a guy by your side!
The National Dating coach started diving into relationships in 2001 where she was the editorial assistant at BET Books. Soon after being surrounded by fictional characters she decided to bring Black Romance to life when she created her very popular blog, www.ABelleInBrooklyn.com. In 2007, Demetria’s down-to-earth demeanor and raw advice caught the attention of Essence Magazine who then asked her to join the magazine as their relationship editor and dating advice coach.
She recently introduced her new book A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice On Living Your Best Single Life. In her new book she gives honest advice and shares personal experiences to paint a vivid picture for her readers.
Let’s get to know her just a little better…
Since many people refer to you as the Black Carrie Bradshaw, What intrigued you to write and open up about relationships?
It’s a topic I’ve always been interested in, and long before there was a Carrie Bradshaw. At the time I began blogging in 2007, I wasn’t finding images in pop culture, or in books, that reflected the dating lives that my friends and I were living. Sure we were single and there were some headaches, but there was also a lot of fun too. I was tired of single living looking so tragic and depressing so I started writing about a different side of dating life, a happy, hopeful, optimistic one, that wasn’t typically shown, especially not for Black women.
Even when first starting your blog you were very open about your relationships, How have your personal dating experiences encouraged your book/writing?
You must read the book! I infuse a lot of my personal experiences into A Belle in Brooklyn, especially those— good and bad— that I think can be of use to others. So many women go thru similar circumstances when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex. If I can pull from a situation I experienced and share what I did wrong, and right, with another woman so she doesn’t make the mistake, I will with no holds barred. My debut book tackles a lot of touchy subjects in an uncommonly candid way.
As single women, embracing your freedom can be a bit difficult when media always encourages you to be in a relationship. What are 3 pieces of advice would you give to ladies who are still waiting for Mr. Right to come in their life?
One—if you want a Mr. Right, don’t wait for him to just show up, be active about getting what you want. Dating is the only arena where we expect what we want to magically appear. We work for degrees, promotions and everything else. Finding a good partner is no exception.
Two— Stop worrying! Do you really, honestly think that you’re going to live another 50 years and no one worthwhile will come along? It’s not even logical. And where is the worry going to get you? It causes wrinkles and stress. Stop! No, seriously.
Three— ignore what other people want for you and focus on what YOU want. Block out all the chatter. Are you happy? If not, what would make YOU happy? Maybe it’s a man, maybe it’s starting a business venture, maybe it’s a trip around the world. Figure out what you want to do when no one else is influencing the decision, and do that. Not anything else.
Going from writing articles to a full book can be both exciting and challenging, What was the major difference from writing articles to writing your book, A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice On Living Your Best Single Life?
Articles are quick. Even features can be knocked out in a couple days if necessary. But there’s no rushing a book. It’s a very time consuming process of which I had no clue what I was getting myself into when I started. When I was an editor, authors often compared the process of writing to giving birth. I thought that was ridiculous… until I had a book deal and a looming deadline for a manuscript.
What advice would you give to young writers who wanted to follow in your footsteps?
Don’t wait for the right time to do what you love. There’s no such thing. If you want it, make time for it. And don’t worry about the marketplace being too full and so many people doing what you wish to. You bring you to the table and YOU are unique. No one can outdo you at being yourself. Infuse your personality into everything you do to make it one-of-a kind.
What encouraged you to host your fab events “Cocktail with Belle” and “Brunch with Belle?”
They were the types of events that I wanted to attend, but no one was throwing them. I decided to create the type of parties I wanted to go to. It was all about filling a void. I’m honored to see that positive, women-friendly are more common now. We have a lot to offer each other and can learn so much and go so far when we work together.
What makes you a Styleaholic?
Knowing that fashion isn’t what’s hot, but works best for you and reflects your personal style and unique energy.
Check out more…